(((( Tree )))) thank you for sharing that. It helps a lot. I have had to fight a lot the past two days but made it. Sure, I ended up with the dissociative symptoms again - but at least I know my alters are there... even though I guess T wants them to not be. IDK. It is hard because my S/O wants me to have my one alter come out a lot more than she does. But when I am dissociative, I am not healthy. T wants me to intigrate. And I am trying to do that. It is like I am once again caught in a major double bind...

So I have not sent any more emails to T even though I was suffering. I did it in silence to T ... with the help of PC and my friend at work. But I can't tell here on PC or my friend what is going on deep inside of me. And I can not longer tell T because I know now what it means for a T to "be there"....