Em you are not alone on this one. Yeah my mind goes else where from time to time and sometimes onto things that are bad. I would say the bad things are related to abuse. But I don't know why my mind goes to those things to get "fireworks". I've never told anyone that my mind goes to thinking this bad thoughts. Have always felt ashamed that I think about these bad things. I don't know why I think this way either. Makes me really confused and ashamed. Sorry your thoughts go the same way. But you aren't alone on this, just know that. I do the same.
Monty