This is a very good thread. I've "been there, done that," so many times, what Acajin describes.
Many of you suggested the only way to recognize and avoid this kind of relationship in the future is thru intensive therapy. I have to disagree. "Been there, done that" too, not just once, but many many times over a 30 year period, and still found myself devoting time and energy in the same cycles.
In a way it's sad to admit, but now at my age of 54, I seem to have arrived at a point where I am more discerning, no longer willing to extend myself, recognizing when someone is causing me anxiety in a relationship. This was not due to therapy, but very hard work on my own part, and a lot of heartache and self-examination.
The relationships I've worked so hard to maintain since my divorce 8 years ago have depleted me emotionally, financially, and aged me physically. I am a loving, compassionate, generous, and still somewhat attractive female. Why the happy relationship I've longed for has eluded me is still a big question in my mind. I do know that now I am more discerning, and will never again subject myself to a "psychic vampire," who is also termed "Narcissist."
Seeker