(((((((((Zoo ))))))))) Tons of thanks!!

Actually, last night I had a dream that I think was a form of a breakthrough about all of this. My T has been trying to get me to "grow up" and "protect" my inner child. But I had no clue HOW to do that!

My dream was that someone dropped off (( abandonment )) a newborn baby ((innocence)) and just expected me to take care of it. I had no connection with the infant at all - did not have any known family ties or love or interest even. But there I was left with this small, helpless, crying "thing".

I could not get anyone else to see that baby was there or take it from me. Friends were talking to me but I could not get them to see the baby (being invisable to the world). It started to make me very angry. Then I was going places and would come home to find the infant in the same spot where I left "it" but no one had fed it or changed the diaper or anything. It was crying and no one cared at all. I felt horrified and sad. I have NO IDEA how to take care of a baby (I am not a mom). But I decided to try to do whatever I thought I needed to do. The baby liked that and started to respond to me. I started to panic because the baby wanted hugs!! (my terror of intamacy).

Then I had to go to the store but this time decided to take THE baby with me since no one else would take care of "it". I found a car seat and was strugling with it (safety issues). As I was doing this, the baby started to get older and IT turned into a SHE. She kept growing and I could not get her to fit into the car seat and was afraid we would get a ticket. Then she looked at me and she was the Little Me from my profile picture!!

I was so shocked. I just took her out of the car seat and gave her a big hug. She was talking to me and jabbering and I was laughing. Then I woke up.

I think my T was allowing me the SPACE I NEEDED to find a way to get into touch with that hurt innocent inner child. If he would have done what I wanted - for him to comfort her, I would not have been forced into internal motherhood.

For me, that dream last night is a very big event. One of the largest steps of healing of my life.