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So now the temptation to SI is becoming greater & greater...just a little cut, etc, nothing that's too dangerous. Yet I know once I start it becomes worse & I quickly get to the point of being so tired of being sick that I just want out.
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That's my experience, too. As much as I want to believe it "helps," starting it only makes me sicker and more hurt. It's fear of the shame, I guess, of being judged for contributing to my problem. Whatever works, right?
I really like the idea of choosing not to self-harm because you want to provide a better model. This is how we change things, bit by bit.