Quote:
Originally Posted by anderson
We just want to know how do those here get others to make friends with your alter?
We tried to tell our friends that we just need to feel safe but they no understand us.
We say just talk about things that we can join in.
Thinks we like to do, give us time to answer or even put out ideals .
Some people are just easier to talk to because they let us be our selfs so we no afried of being hurt.
How would tell others to talk to you in safe way so that they can be friends instead of just watching from the outside?
WE just need to know how others do it cause we no can seem to get those here to understand us.
safe hugs to all those here from all of us!
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before I was integrated and now that I am i dont tell people I wwas DID or that I have a dissociative disorder. I made friend the same way other people did. by talking about things we had in common and if they didnt like me so be it and if I was uncomfortable or didnt like them so be it. I stayed away from those who I didnt like, who I wasnt comfortable with and stayed away from those who didnt like me or were uncomfortable around me.
After I knew I had DID I thought of it this way if some one beat me up would I keep going back to them trying to be their friend just to get beat up again. no. and why should I try and force others to like me, that would be like my abusing their right to choose to be my friend. it would be like physically, emotionally abusing them.
So I just relaxed and continued on just like a normal person would knowing not everyone was going to be my friend and I cant force others to be my friend.
being friends with my alters. I had nothing to do with that. I didnt go out of my way saying hi my alter cassie wants to be your friend and try and force someone to understand who cassie was, what she was and what she liked. I found out that even when I didnt know about Cassie she already had her own friends. thats the way my alters were, they all had their own lives separate from me. they had their own jobs and their own friends.
maybe if you stop worrying about making people be your alters friends and just relax and talk about things you and these other people you want to be friends with have in common, those people will stop worrying about you being different, you having a dissociative disorder, you having alters. they will learn to like you and your alters for just being yourselves.
how to make people stop talking and doing things that trigger /hurt you. take time to think about this for a minute. you just meet someone new or someone you know and you are talking. can they read your mind to know what words trigger and hurt you. that would be cool if they could huh. but most people that I know cant read minds so they dont know what words trigger me. the only way people know what things trigger and hurt you is if you set boundaries with them. when they bring up a topic that triggers you dont make a huge deal out of it just politely say "I would rather not talk about that right now" and then introduce a topic that you feel safe with. that way they know ok this topic is off limits today but this one is a safe topic today.