well, first of all, i'm not moping re my financial situation. the unemployment rate here is over 13%, and i am lucky to have the job i have. there are not even any part time waitress jobs available here. i've done that before and i would do it again if the opportunity arose. the employer i work for will NOT take a second job into consideration when it comes to scheduling. if they want you to stay late, or come in early, you don't have a choice. this is a right to work state, they can legally fire you for refusing. also, i work 3rd shift, which has totally disrupted my life. all my former friends work regular hours, with weekends off, and i am not available for any time with them, due to the fact that i cannot have weekends off, nor do i have my days off together. they have stopped calling, and i really can't blame them. so, i am very lonely most of the time, even when i'm home with my husband.
as far as fun goes, my husband quit drinking over 10 years ago, and his arthritis has gotten considerably worse. going out to a night club is out of the question, and he cannot sit all the way through a movie. i have tried suggesting a non tv night, maybe playing dominoes or scrabble, which is what i do with my fwb, but he is not interested. i am really out of suggestions when it comes to bringing the fun back. he is still sexually active, but severely limited in what and how it can be done. it has become a chore for me, not a pleasure.
you are right as far as people getting hurt, but it won't be my husband, or my fwb, it will be me. i am afraid i have feelings for this person, and i know they are not recriprocated. i sense that he is pushing me away already, or maybe i'm just paranoid about it, however, i will deal with my pain when that time comes. i am under no illusions about that, and i will have earned the heartache that i have brought upon myself.
i guess i sound like i'm whining, but i don't mean to.
i feel like a stranger in a strange land, and i don't know how i got here or how to get back.