thanks you guys
I just called my T, her partner answered and said she'll have T call me back when she gets out of the shower. I don't think I wanted to know that, really.

Anyway, I haven't called her for the last few days even though I wanted to, because I didn't know what to say. It occurred to me that I can just say to her what I said here: that I'm really sad and alone and scared. And that I think just talking to her for a minute might help me not feel so alone with all of this. I can't help it, I have forged a bond with her, a connection, and sometimes I just need to FEEL that connection to know it's still there. Talking to friends and people here and stuff helps, but only T can really give me what I need right now, which I think is just to know it's not going to feel like this forever, and for as long as it DOES feel like this, I'm not alone with it anymore.

so, now, the waiting, and trying not to picture my T in the shower, lol!