I've been home not working 3 years. I feel like a complete failure. I have a degree, worked through school and spent nearly 10 years in my chosen profession.

Eventually, I ended up working for a boss who was an abusive tyrant, and my world fell apart. I couldn't deal with the intimidation, silent treatment and abuse. I guess I had a nervous breakdown of sorts. I was hospitalized and lost my job.

I tried finding another job, but I couldn't bring myself to actually making it work. I became too frightened of people. I want to stay home and hide.

I suppose my work right now is trying to stay sane, not injure myself and talk to my T of nearly a year. My DID diagnosis is relatively new - so I'm adjusting. (Though mental health issues are NOT new to me.) I'm trying to understand. My new "work" is depressing and unfulfilling!

As I learn, it seems DID is something that develops in childhood. So I don't really understand how I was able to do so well for so long - relatively speaking. Now, I can barely manage to go to the store. Mental illness is most definitely getting in the way of my living a productive, peaceful life.

It makes me sad and angry. I want to be able to do what I did before. I was always fearful and never thought I was very good at what I did, but at least I managed. Why can't I do that now?

I feel like Humpty Dumpty. I fell and broke into pieces and, it seems, I can't be put back together again! Very sad. Very painful.