I woke up feeling very sad today.
You think you have people or a person who cares about you and then you realize that they don't care.
God forbid, if you should express your needs-you try to do it nicely-it goes unheard, you try to do it in-between-the-lines-they don't get it, so then, you try to do it with anger and they use it against you, twist it around and make you feel like a horrible person.
Why is it some people always get "heard" while others are ignored. I'm tired of being treated like an audience. I'm tired of being made to feel like I am only there to listen and nurture but never allowed to bleed.
When they bleed it's because they need to and because friends should listen to them-when I bleed it's "You're feeling sorry for yourself and how dare you?-Go take your meds, Dumbo!" (I'm not even on meds anymore but of course, they wouldn't know that!)
I'm feeling a lot of hate. I try to navigate myself above it and not let it get me down. Telling myself that it doesn't matter because they were never there for me in the first place, anyway. Most of the time, I'm successful with it and I go on with my life. I learn to live with it.
Then, I wake up, feeling like my heart is stuck in my belly and I get angry.
Is it too much to ask to be heard? Is it too much to ask for some face time in a conversation? Is it too much to ask for someone to nurture me for a change? Is it too much to have a friendship without them using my depression against me and cut me with it like a sword?
YES! Apparently, it is!
I'm not looking for answers-I know the answer- I have to stay the heck away from these kinds of people.
They SAY they care but then show no actions to back it up.