I love reading about everyone's changes

I thought of another one today and I actually called T and left a message (he is on vacation but I can leave messages) because I wanted him to know and I wanted to capture it in the moment.

I realized today that I have this times where I feel....FINE. It's so quiet inside for the first time ever. There's not all of this noise and all of this work going on to keep the past from seeping into my thoughts. There's just calm. I honestly don't know if I've ever experienced that in my life. I was probably born addicted to alcohol (my mom often tells the story of how she lived on beer when she was pg with me) and I can't remember a time before the abuse started, so I feel like I've spent literally - LITERALLY - my entire life in some kind of struggle. Now I have times when I don't struggle...I'm just okay. THAT honestly feels like a miracle.