Congratulations on all the working together, Beyond_blue! It is sometimes in the quiet of the night that I am able to communicate within and sometimes other times and places.
My what a lovely thing to do with 'middle little' who is often on its own, to bring her onto the bed, and maybe even under the covers for protection, with the others in such a potentially scary situation. And thanks to the littlest one for pulling out her fairy wand for protection of everyone, seems like she knew of the potential danger before anyone, she is smart!
Who knows maybe even the two locked in the closet will someday know the kind of safety the others have and learn how to be together with you all. In good time though.
In the meantime you are a brave group and were able to sustain the night in much safety and without fear. That is quite a feat.
Do take care and I hope you have a lovely day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by beyond_blue
(SI mentioned)
I didn't cut last night! I came really close, but I let Little write some stuff about not wanting me to cut us. Then I took a shower and got into bed. I kind of thought I'd cut last night - my Little did too.
After I got into bed, before I fell asleep - which took a long time, I had thoughts of me and my littles together in a room. My littlest, who's the brave one, locked the two negative ones in a closet (they're the ones that encourage me to hurt myself). Then me and my littles sat together on a couch - except for one of my middle little. She stays to herself. My littlest one pulled out her "fairy wand" and tapped each of us for protection.
(gets a little scary at this point) A monster came out of no where toward us so we crawled into the bedroom in my mind and snuck under the covers - except for my middle little. She sat in a chair next to the bed. But then the floor started to fall away. So we grabbed middle little and pulled her onto the bed. Arms and hands started grabbing out from the wall at us. We weren't scared though because we were under the covers in our bed. That's all I remember.
It might sound scary but it wasn't. I didn't feel scared. Maybe I was supposed to? But no one did. We just felt together - me and my three littles.
I know I was awake when I thought of all that. I don't remember if I stayed awake much longer after or what I thought about. I know I dreamt last night - I usually remember at least some of what I dream each night.
My T says we should try to work together. Is this working together? Does anyone else do things with their alters/identities inside their mind? Is this real? Is it just my imagination? T says my littlest is the brave one. My oldest little is kind of the babysitter - supporting littlest. Middle little doesn't talk. Her quiet sullenness used to scare my littlest some, but now my littlest just wants to be friends. Sometimes she'll set a toy beside middle little.
This doesn't seem real though. How is this different than my imagination? What is real?! I did not want to accept I have DID. I never considered I had alters until two years ago, and then I just had one little. My T says they were likely all there all along. I just didn't know it. How? This really just doesn't seem real at all! What if it's not real? What if I'm making it all up?
Well, I know I cut. I know I was going to cut last night. I know I didn't cut. So, whatever real or imaginary thing is or is not going on in my mind - I didn't hurt myself. I guess that's good, right? |