sorry for the lengthy post? never... don't ever shut yourself up. i encourage people to write... especially when it flows and you very obviously are working on these things.

i am very happy you read Frankl... that book always makes me wish he'd written it 10 times longer. Outside of the antiquated manner of speech, understandable but annoying (ie. everything is he, or a man... as if all people who seek are men, but that is a language common to the era), it is one of my favourite books.

i think it has something for everyone in there. i struggled with it at first because i was triggered into feeling as though i had "no right" to complain. But that is a self-punishment trap. i loved his analogy of suffering being like a gas that fills a room, and i deeply identified with some of his descriptions of physical pain and difficulty. When i walk, for complicated medical reasons, i experience a lot of pain in my feet sometimes... so bad i force myself with each step and i often manage by visualizing myself openly screaming. When i felt the connection while reading the book, i suddenly just felt like i was accomplishing something that deserved credit... just forcing myself through what i need to do, through the pain... that this was real suffering and i should feel proud - it changed my point of view a lot in that moment.

i think Frankl says something that i don't tend to see elsewhere much... he talks openly about honouring our suffering. It doesn't mean dwelling and just reliving the past continually, not at all. To me it means being proud of your own strength in surviving the big things and managing the rest. i'd say more but it would really need its own thread. In any event... regardless of what flavour of approach one has committed to, give yourself credit for the suffering you have endured. Seeing it that way brings strength.

it's interesting to me that you are approaching it all as a whole person... many don't... i'd risk saying that the bulk of medical/health professionals don't. How odd eh? We treat sick people.. we don't really focus on wellness. As an example, i have roughly 9 specialists, not including the several others like my T... all brilliant and professional, very competant... but my ObGyn treats me as repro, my orthopedist treats me as bones, my rheumy treats me as joints... and so on. Funny... i don't feel like i am just a bunch of unrelated body parts that have nothing to do with each other.

lately i have become focused on wellness too... i think its the only way to accomplish anything real. Looking at your foods is an excellent place to start, but i would suggest adding some things. i intend... and i say intend because i am so swamped with trying to fix my financial survival that everything else tends to fall by the wayside (*sigh)... but i intend to begin a wellness binder. Basically, an owner's manual for me.

suggested things to add to monitoring your food intake:

*track your moods - i'm sure you already do this
*google a prism chart... think that is what they are called... they are meant for use by female patients... it has a list of symptoms/issues that you check off day by day over the course of a month. You do a new sheet for each month. Do at least three of them, more if you can. i am deeply impressed and concerned by the degree at which many mental/emotional symptoms coincide with hormone phases. Not just in me, but i am seeing this in many females friends... i honestly worry a lot that medical and mental health professionals may be mislabelling many, many women. It isn't just my perspective.. i mean, has no one wondered why prozac is the number one medication prescribed for effective management of excessive PMS? It works... but why? More questions than answers... point being, track your own hormone health. Hormones are notoriously difficult to monitor by blood sample because they are sporadic and tiny amounts produce huge effects.
*keep a sleep chart too... record the amount of sleep and other forms of rest and relaxation
*track your major stressors... make note of when distressing events occur, it may be that the "out of nowhere" feelings follow patterns that aren't obvious

i am trying to find an osteopath or homeopathic doctor here that i can trust.i believe in traditional medical technology, but the lack of whole person approach is problematic. i need to find ways to support my seriously compromised hormonal system body-wide. i saw a big problem when i realized the endocrinologist was not dealing with my repro hormones and the Obgyn was not looking at the non-repro ones... i mean, dudes, really... my body doesn't work that way.



it's rough when we gain awareness, do the "right" things and yet, we still struggle with difficult mind states... i get very frustrated. But, you're on the right track and take heart... you already are getting more meaning from life than many. Remember, you can't always attach truth to how you feel, sometimes we have to remember what we know vs what we feel. Our feelings lie to us sometimes, or they represent things that are vague or outside of our conscious thinking. Remind yourself of every positive feeling and moment throughout the day... train yourself to mentally take note of a smile. If you try to notice, you may be surprised at how many times each day you actually feel those small bits of happiness. Apparently, researchers discovered that most people are generally happier than they think they are when they actively consider it. Odd eh? The lie i tell myself, i think, is that i am unhappy more often than is the case. Maybe when i feel "like this" it means i am needing to move in a specific direction and maybe it isn't an indicator of overall discontentment like i've interpreted. gosh... i don't know if that even makes sense

EXCELLENT!!!! THAT is exactly the thing to do... how wonderful for you! Oh slippery, i am so proud of you right now! There is no way around, only through. i think about my own fears of losing my T someday, but when i do i calm them by reminding myself that when that day comes it will happen because i don't need him there and instead of bad i will feel strong. It's unfortunate in one sense that you have to do it in a regimented way because of her timing, but on the other hand... it means you have the motivation to succeed. You will work harder and faster because you aren't given the luxury of choice. Small blessing, but a blessing nonetheless. You can do this slippery.. and it will change your life for the better.

yes, manageable... for sure... pace yourself... but you know what? You ARE managing. Just look at how far you've come. Look at how many people never ever look around themselves or ever have a second thought as to how really live... then look at yourself and feel proud. It may be a new feeling for you - but get used to it!

lengthy posts... yeah.. i feel soooooooooooo bad... not.