I know that you mentioned that whenever therapy gets too hard you run away. I would encourage you to stick with it, therapy is not comfortable or easy. No one likes to talk about the horrible things that happened to them and lots of us have trouble putting these things into words. But I truly believe that if you stick with therapy that it will truly help you and you will be able to hopefully move on with you life given enough time. Hang in there, get with a group of supportive people and start your journey!