I know something is seriously wrong with me. I am struggling with the urge to drive by Kt's house. I even printed out Map Quest directions. After she told me she was scared that I looked her up, the last thing I want to do is scare her some more. Plus, it scares ME that I'm having trouble controlling this urge. It HURTS not to do it. That's crazy, I know.

So, why do I want to see where she lives? Bt's office was in her home, so I didn't have this problem. But I drove by my other Ts houses, too. I will probably be jealous of her house, so I don't know why I would want to do that to myself. I think it's because I want to be part of her life. I want it to be more than "she's my T and I pay her to help me." When I think it's that way, I want to die. I am so confused about my feelings. It's like I'm sicker than I want to believe. I honestly feel like I lead a double life. I'm some kind of stalker, and she has reason to be afraid of me.