Hester...I've just happened onto this thread. What Nucking said (she is so wise )...and describes me exactly. I'm in my late 50's, was married to a "nice" man for 20 years, during which time I was perpetually attracted to other men, never having actual sex, but most of the time I was married, I fantasized about my feelings for these others, one in particular. I even told my then husband about it. I really lived// looked forward, to each weekly time I got to see him as my painting teacher. After my divorce, I spent a lot of time with the same types of men as this bad boy painting teacher. I lost a lot of money, not to mention time in recovering emotionally, from my efforts to sustain those dead end relationships. I've abstained from dating at all now for over 5 years, and during that time, have done a lot of reading, soul-searching about my behaviors. I've realized that from early on, from adolescence, actually, my most intense attractions were a kind of addiction. A counselor even told me one time that my obsessions for these men were an addiction, as powerful as any drug.

I'm not suggesting this is the same with you, but I can definitely identify with your description of your situation.

I don't regret divorcing my husband. I didn't love him. He quickly remarried, and is happy, and I am happy for him. I guess what I'm thinking regarding your predicament, is to ask yourself if you love your husband, and want to make it work.

I am also mindful of the financial challenge, re/Bipolarbear's frank revelations. Yes, I'd be much more financially secure had I chosen to stay married. But, I've never regretted my choice, though I've often had financial challenges. In my case, morally, it was the right thing to do.

I want to hear how you continue to deal with this.

Patty