Quote:
Originally Posted by seeker1950
Hester...I've just happened onto this thread. What Nucking said (she is so wise  )...and describes me exactly. I'm in my late 50's, was married to a "nice" man for 20 years, during which time I was perpetually attracted to other men, never having actual sex, but most of the time I was married, I fantasized about my feelings for these others, one in particular. I even told my then husband about it. I really lived// looked forward, to each weekly time I got to see him as my painting teacher. After my divorce, I spent a lot of time with the same types of men as this bad boy painting teacher. I lost a lot of money, not to mention time in recovering emotionally, from my efforts to sustain those dead end relationships. I've abstained from dating at all now for over 5 years, and during that time, have done a lot of reading, soul-searching about my behaviors. I've realized that from early on, from adolescence, actually, my most intense attractions were a kind of addiction. A counselor even told me one time that my obsessions for these men were an addiction, as powerful as any drug.
I'm not suggesting this is the same with you, but I can definitely identify with your description of your situation.
I don't regret divorcing my husband. I didn't love him. He quickly remarried, and is happy, and I am happy for him. I guess what I'm thinking regarding your predicament, is to ask yourself if you love your husband, and want to make it work.
I am also mindful of the financial challenge, re/Bipolarbear's frank revelations. Yes, I'd be much more financially secure had I chosen to stay married. But, I've never regretted my choice, though I've often had financial challenges. In my case, morally, it was the right thing to do.
I want to hear how you continue to deal with this.
Patty |
i guess my situation is somewhat similar. this is like a drug to me, i didn't realize it til i read that post. over the years, i have fantasized about being with other men that i knew, never told anyone or acted on it. i seem to have a "thing" for emotionally unavailable men. maybe that is my addiciton. the love of my life, who was a serial cheater, was similar in many respects to this fwb. my husband is anything but. maybe that is why i lost interest so long ago. i don't really want to divorce him, he isn't well, the chances of him finding someone else are not very good. if i thought he could find someone who would love him the way he deserves to be loved, i would leave him. i love him as a person and a friend, but not as a husband.
as far as finances go, i've never been supported by anyone. i've always paid my way. my husband was disabled 3 years after we were married, i have been the breadwinner since then...17 years ago. he can still do many things, he shops, keeps the yard up, cooks, does laundry, etc. my financial situation really wouldn't change that much if i were single. i would have a little extra money, but not enough to make a difference.
i don't want to be alone either. i don't mind living alone, but i need a man in my life. a boyfriend if you will. really, i am such a selfish, self serving person it sickens me when i think about it.
most likely, if i cannot find a therapist who will see me for little or no money, things will go on until this situation ends, or i find another job which will take the fwb out of the picture.
i don't know how i changed into this stranger than i've become, but it unnerves me when i think about it.