Just keep going slowly, zooropa. Little by little. You are in therapy to help you heal. Your T doesn't expect you to come to her already healed. Maybe you can think back to what you have been able to share and what you have let your T see, since beginning therapy. And see you have come a ways down the path. I can't say it was actually easy for me, but having T be a part of my outside life was kind of like jumping off a cliff. Once the wheels were set in motion, he was going to "see" me, and I couldn't stop events. Whereas in therapy, every session you have the choice to be guarded or not, to share or not. I think it is indeed harder that way. We can chicken out, despite our intentions just seconds before we walk through the door into our T's office. Hold on zoo.