*sighs*

Last night I was sitting in my room... wanted to cut, but I didn't. Not right away. I drew a bunch of hearts on the back of my hand, one by one. Then a drew a braclet on that wrist. It was good. Held off cutting for a bit. But I eventually did cut. That felt even better. I don't need it to hurt so much while I'm doing it, but I need it to sting afterwards- which is why I make superical cuts that don't bleed too much, but sting because air touches them. If I have to bandage it, it doesn't sting as much.

Anyway. This morning my Mom sees my hand and threatens to take my markers away because my hand looks "gawdy". My older sister says I looked like a middle schooler. And my younger sister jumps in and says to my Mom "I thought you drew the line at self-mutilation."

They just joke. Joke about things they don't understand. Say stupid things that hurt so much. They don't know... they obviously can't know. It's just going to get worse, no matter what, isn't it?