It sounds like you are very uncomfortable the way you are living now. If I were in your situation, I would make a decision, one way or the other (stay with husband and be his wife or live on my own and only consider myself) and use the difficulty of sticking with my decision for my "excitement".

I would not feel sorry for a husband; if I did not love him, I would not stay with him as I could not be a wife to him. He has his life to live and if I was unwilling to be his wife, I would not hold him in a false world, where he thinks I am.

No one said it's easy but you have to decide what you want for your life; this endless discomfort or a chance at what you really want?