I recently got a new boyfriend and a new job..what I've always wanted yet I'm overcome with panic..I feel scared, not myself, overcome with bad, bad feelings..like part of my disorder is being self dectructive like soon i will do something to sabatage it all..why do I feel this way when it should be the opposite? The pain is unbearable and it just doesn't make any sense..the notmaking sense past bpothers me