I really appreciate how kind and thoughtful everyone has been on here. And Akangel, I think you are right. I do need to stop second guessing myself. It's really my MO in most situations. I do something then question why I did it forever. I am naturally a stressed person and worrying about all of this does add to it. If only I could figure out how to not worry about it.

And I have talked to my son. He's aware that leaving them alone and all of that is not acceptable and very unkind and uncaring to the kids. He's very generous and would have them living here if he could. The girl really pushes his buttons though and he gets really upset when he deals with her. I feel badly for him because he's never really played with anyone that is so angry and argumentative. He's a super logical kid and he tries to argue back using his logic, which ends up being really frustrating because she doesn't get his logic, nor does she really care. (I know all of this behavior is from her home life.) My basic rule with him is that he is NOT allowed to engage in arguing with her because she will never back down and usually ends up saying mean things to him. He's supposed to come talk to me when he gets feeling overwhelmed by her. This has helped him cope with her better, but obviously, she still engages arguments with him, even though he attempts to avoid them.

Blah blah blah. Sorry, I have this on my mind a lot so I could bore you all with the details all day. Anyway, I won't abandon them, I'm too sentimental and I see myself in them, so I get sucked in. The problem is that a lot of times when I get sucked into situations like this, I end up getting hurt in some way and, well, that's not fun when its added in with all of my other ****. My pdoc/t says I am a black and white thinker (duh!) and that its all or nothing for me. I have no idea how to care about them some and pull back when it gets too painful or too close. I either cut people off entirely (which is what I do 99.9% of the time) or get way to emotionally invested in them. (Which, ironically, is why I cut people off.)

I AM SHUTTING UP NOW.