Thanks TheByzantine.....I wish I had a big heart....I'm trying so hard and I fail most of the time!
I know my mother loves all her kids so much, but she doesn't know a lot of stuff that she tells us is so harmful....like she makes fun of my legs always....she has even name for my legs....I know I don't have a best legs....but I love my legs because I can dance with them and hike with them
I used to be so embarrassed and not wearing shorts or skirts....It took me long long time to change my mind about my legs and tell myself to love them....or she criticize my little tiny belly....She stare at it....and my mum is over weight lady while I'm so skinny....I got so brave on Sunday and I told her...."I'm the one in the family that is skinner than anyone else with a good figure and you still find a fault on me!"....she didn't say anything....my brother-in-law is over weight and he is going under a major diet which I think it's not good for him....It's all because my mum got here.....he lost 9 pound in a week....he's starving himself....and I know why is that....because mum doesn't like him and she kept saying....she doesn't see how happy and peaceful my sister is with him....
I can go on and on about her verbal abuse....she used to beat us up too....she denies now....but my older sister and I were the victims....we always talk about it....we told mum once that she was beating us, and she denied totally....I couldn't believe that....there was not a week going on without her beating us....I don't have any memory of my dad beating me....not even once...I was so lucky to have him as a father....Unfortunately, you learn those behaviors....I see my older sister beats her kids sometimes....and she gets so upset....I told her....do you remember mum? don't do the same thing to them....she cried so hard....she told me she hates it and she doesn't understand why she does that even!
The other day she told me that she feels her kids are getting out of control....what the heck!!!! my older sister is 40, I'm 36 and my younger sister is 28....what is being out of control? she wants to tell us what to do....I said nothing....there is no point of arguing with her....no point...she won't change!
But at the end....She's my mother....what can I do?

sorry for the long post....I got to get these off from my heart....I found PC a best place to write all my darkness thoughts.....I don't like to tell these to friends....It won't be helpful and it's better to not talk about them....

thanks in advance for reading this long post
Marjan