My T and I talked about this subject once, and how, when a very young child is trying to hurt themselves or their mother, the mother will hold the child so they cannot hit the mother (themselves). I would think, as the child gets older and too large to restrain in this way that a quick, attention-getting slap would be a good way to break into whatever state the child is in.

My husband struck me once and due to abuse by my stepmother, the first thing entering my head was, KILL! But I was an adult and know in my bones my husband loves me and know he's a reasonable, responsible man and does not express his anger or frustration physically so I gave myself a bit of space and asked him why he'd slapped my hand/arm.

We were making pancakes together in the blender, I was teaching him how and he wasn't getting it He was putting the blender on the base for the 5,000th time (getting the consistency right, not too much milk or too much Bisquick, that is what he couldn't get (and still doesn't :-)) and apparently he saw me trying to flip the switch and turn on the blender before it was seated on the base. . . A no-no safety issue!

I didn't kill him. I think "why" we are slapped does make a big difference. Being slapped or hit because the slapper/hitter is frustrated or angry is abuse, to my way of looking at things. I think you were trying to help your daughter the best you knew how, not punish her or take your frustrations out on her. I don't know why the issue has come up now, with her the age she is now but if she remembers it and it hurts her I am sorry she is not able to work it out for herself that there might have been situations where you stuck her to help her, not to hurt her.