((((Myers))))

It is hard for me to say what emotions and feelings are for I am just now beginning to have any. They are hard to have and hurt beyond anything I can say. I never cried or got angry or anything when I was young, it was not okay to have emotions or feelings. Fear is the only emotion I had and that was because they based what they did and the control on fear.

When a child gets in trouble for crying and gets spanked for doing so you learn to not cry and to pull everything within where it is safe and no one knows. For so long I never really had emotions and when I would get too close to feeling something everything shut down.

There are no words to tell how I really feel sometimes now, but I try. It hurts more than anyone knows and I still fear the whole time. Emitions are different for everyone and they are expressed differently. For me they were hidden until it was safe to have them, and now I am not sure how to deal with them.

So many times within we all knew to shut down so we could survive. Never let them see that you feel for it never mattered anyway. Sometimes it feels they just still do not do anything but hurt others. And sometimes I wonder if it matters today.

Thank you for posting and asking. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps