I wish I could ask my psychiatrist friend to just be my psychiatrist, but I don't think he'd go for that. In fact, I'm sure he wouldn't. He was my preceptor for my psychiatry rotation in my graduate program, and we happened to hit it off because we have a lot in common (he's bipolar too). When I tried asking him, he didn't give me any names or recommendations, but did say that the psychiatrist per capita ratio where I live is quite high... and to not look for the perfect psychiatrist, but rather someone I could work with.

I'm torn though. It really is important that I stay stable through the end of the year so that I can finish school. I worry that if I try someone new who starts messing with my medications that I'll crash and have to take another leave of absence. With my faculty, I have to pretend that life is perfect. They already want me out of the program over this. I can't help but think that maybe it would be better for me to just suck it up, stick with this guy and my gazillion expensive medications, and hopefully stay fairly stable through December.

But then again, I'm still cycling a bit. This past weekend was pretty rough for me, and I'm still struggling to get any schoolwork done. Maybe things could be better.

*Sigh* Oh crystal ball: will I be better off staying on this regimen, or trying something different??