Thanks Belle....ya...PC is really great....I was just going to email my sister and I stopped myself....I don't want to tell these to her in email....I prefer to write them here....
I think my mum has mental problem...seriously....it's so hard to deal with her...I'm having so much anxiety now....the whole day I had butterflies in my stomach....I was so nerves....I can't sleep now....I just don't want to spend any time with her....anything she does is not pleasent....I'm just wondering, she doesn't know that? nobody wants to be around her....she keeps saying...she has nobody....well....it's obvious....nobody likes her verbal abuse...and if she can she will get physical too....OMG....today I was so tired, I picked her up after work....I got the Blind Side DVD, I cooked for her....and I translated the 3 hours movie word by word....I've seen that movie already twice....and I have so much things to catch up....then I had to take her back to my sister....well...my whole day has gone....do you know what she told me at the end? She said she didn't want to go out and she yelled at me, because I just told her I got to go, I parked my car in a middle of the street....She doesn't get it....we have life here and I can't just leave my car in the middle of the street....the whole time I was with her, she just talked about herself....how wonderful she is....how good is her paintings....and how rich she is.....it makes me sick to my stomach....and I feel guilty of not wanting to be with her....all these has created me so much anxiety....my older sister emailed me saying thanks for all the stuff i do.....she told me she knows how hard is being with her even for a minute....Is it really so bad to not wanting your own mother? I simply don't want to be around her
oh god forgive me, but what the heck I did to have her as a mother....why not a polite and patient mother? why?
I cried so hard the whole time driving back home....
Does she even understand how bad is her behavior? I don't see the problem at all....doesn't get it that nobody wants to be with her....she tells me everybody is jealous at her....I asked her "why do they jealous?"...really " why?"....it's a joke to me....I wanted to scream and say that "probably, people are sick and tired of your shallow pride and your attitudes and your verbal abuse...probably, people are tired of you telling them you have money....probably, people are tired of you telling them you are the best!".....

my friends forgive me for my ranting....and please do ignore all my postings....I really need to take it out from my heart.....and here is the best place to write down instead of telling somebody who knows her....

I hope god gives me enough strength to deal with her and to be patient with her....but I really don't want to spend time with her tomorrow....it's like going to prison or hell!