Quote:
Originally Posted by wottesworthgurl
Sorry if this thread is kind of long........I'm going to share most of my life problems on here though.
So...my story is I'm a 12year old female..in the seventh grade..I have no friends at all and I feel like nobody cares about me. I am a very shy person, afraid of what others might think of me. I am also adopted and my race is white/black but I often tell people that I am hispanic. My brothers are both adopted also..one is indian..the other is the same as me black/white we all are three years of age apart. Both of my parents are white (the ones that I live with now.) I never ever met my real mom or dad or even saw a picture of them. I'm too afraid to ask my parents. I have no friends and are constantly lonely. Which is why I resorted to videogames about a year ago on the ps3 (my brothers) I guess you could say I got addicted, I enjoyed playing a gmae called lotr conquest, but it ended.
So I resorted to a new game call of duty modern warfar two. I felt like I could be myself there I could be the loud, outgoing, carefree person that I am and have always wanted everyone to see. I talked on the mic everyday on that game, made friends, told people I was really 17, had online boyfriends, and even sent naked pics of myself over some peoples phone number I got off the ps3. And even posted a fake picture of myself up on facebook. I'm too ugly to be looked at..not photogentic at all.I love playing that game and talking on the mic and actually feeling like I have friends.
But that all ended yesterday, my mom found me up playing at 5am in the morning got really mad cause she said we had church today and hit me and yelled and called me names. My mom makes me feel like crap. I know nobody really loves me at all. I often have thoughts of suicide but I'm too scared to actually go through with it. I often feel like doing it soooooo bad, I know nobody will care. I'm ugly. I know that I'm ugly. And I can't change it. In the 6'th grade (last year) I actually had friends and I wasn't shy, one of them got mad at me and the whole group of people started hating me. Last year I also had a really good friend...but she moved away. I got asked out by guys last year, but never said yes, my parents always tell me I can't have a boyfriend till I'm 17+. I wish I had friends soooo bad but I'm shy and ugly nobody wants to look at me.
Through my early childhood years I believe I was molested by my brother. I won't go into detail. I am a very religious person I guess you could say and am going to wait to have sex after marriage I hope. I love God and he loves me. I believe God and my dog are my only friends. Nobody will ever love me. I wish I had somebody to talk to but I don't. And also my mom took away the videogames forever. My life is over it seems. Videogames was a stress reliever for me and now they're gone forever. What do I do? I've always done good at school....but am thinking I should let my grades drop...nomore videogames ever...at all. I'm a worthless piece of trash, what do I do? People on the ps3 know me as a happy,loving,outgoing and fun person. People in real life know me as a shy and ugly person.
Please respond here or message me if you wanna talk....
|
(((((((((Wottesworthgurl)))))))))))))
I am sorry you are struggling with these emotions, I know how strong and painful they are, a lot of my depression and mood swings started when I was your age, it was so confusing and hard. I have also struggled a lot with my self confidence and worth. Please know you are not alone hun.
I am glad you have found PC and are able to post here, please keep posting and talking, it will help a lot. It is a small step on the path to healing.
You said you were very religious, maybe you could join a youth group related to your place of worship? Sometimes it helps to break our barriers and anxieties in socalizing if around people with similar intrests and activites.
Please, don't let your grades drop, It may sound odd, but continuing to do things like school, helps fight off depression, and it helps build your self worth.
Please keep talking wottesworth, I know it is hard and frightening to talk about our emotions, it took me many years to open up, and to allow myself to experince emotions, but it helps a lot, maybe you could see a therapist, or talk to a school consulor about these issues, please consider the idea, it is hard and scarey at first but ends up helping so much in the end
You are
NOT trash, you are
NOT ugly, or any other bad thing you say to yourself, it is the depression talking, depression has a way of telling us lies and making us feel worse than we already do. Try conteracting the bad things, by saying good things about yourself, it is hard at first, but is something my T made me start doing, everytime I called myself ugly, I had to retract the statement and list something positive and that I liked about myself, such as I like my laugh. I started small and built up and T had me do daily affermations to, one of them was when I was getting ready in the morning to look myself in the mirror and say "I am a great person".
maybe find diffrent stress relievers now that you don't have video games, you said you have a dog, how about taking your dog for a walk everyday, or to a local dog park if there is one. Maybe pick up a hobby like gardening, a sport, knitting, something that intrests you and would excite you to be a part of. I know when my depression hit it's worst I made myself join a local yoga class and it helped me a lot, it got me out and about adn it also made me feel good that I was doing something nice for myself.
Please be gentle with yourself wottesworthgurl, feel free to Pm me anytime, I check my pm's every day.
Sending many calm and peaceful thoughts to you
Typo