ugh... sorry you're having such trouble right now. I know you said you don't care about your job in a sad, negative way, but honestly if you intentionally hurt yourself (or worse) b/c you push yourself too hard to be at work and do well at work and all that then what good are to to anyone? What good are you if you're gone? Sometimes we need to take a step back and take a "mental health day" or a "mental health month," b/c in the end it's your health and your sanity. If you don't look out for what's best for you, no one else will. I do, however, understand the fear and uncertainty that goes along with missing work. I assume you, like me and many others, are not independently wealthy and need to work to live so the thought of losing your job is very real and very scary. Do you best to relax, regroup, find a pdoc, sleep, and eat today b/c if you don't de-stress soon, you're going to need to be missing more than a day or day and a half of work. I do hear your frustration and your feeling of being overwhelmed but hang in there and just put one foot in front of the other right now. I think we all know that sometimes just existing is a huge accomplishment, so bravo for you for that! Take care and keep us posted about the pdoc situation.