Thank you gravyyy. I don't really think about not being good to anyone if I don't take care of myself. I often only think that I need to be at work, put on a happy face wherever I go, do a good job and *I* come last to all else. You are right that it is totally my sanity right now. I feel like I am completely and utterly losing it right now.
Yes, I do need to work to live. I am going to try to get on FMLA and/or short term disability until I can get this all figured out.
Even my son knows something is wrong, just yesterday when I came into the kitchen out of my room he said, "Ooooh look, mommy is out of the room!" all excited. I know I am having a huge effect on his little 10 year old mind and my husband and I are going to try to talk to him a little about it so I don't have to hide it all from him so much. It is really hard to do.
It is helpful to hear that you all understand where I am coming from and what is going on. Yes, existing is really freakin' hard right now, but thank goodness for my family and friends...they are the biggest things keeping me fighting.

Well, I called my NP again a few hours ago....and still haven't heard from her. I think she hates me.
I called a couple of other places and my insurance. I am going to get into this one doc that my T suggested. He is out of my network, but if he is good, it's all worth it! My appt is 2 weeks away, but there is another place that is going to call me back once they contact my insurance company. Maybe I can get in sooner that way.
No matter how I look at it.....I am going to be struggling for a while and I am already exhausted. I have even contemplated going to the hospital because I know that I would start getting taken care of right away and not have to wait so long. I have NEVER wanted to voluntarily go to the hospital....so that is how desperate I am.

Thanks to everyone for caring.