so.. if money were no obstacle, what would you do with yourself each day? Now, if someone handed me a million dollars i'd be a fool and run around buying stuff for people, all that kind of craziness that people think they will do if they win the lotto. But.. what about after that?

what if you won millions, did your big spree stuff...? Imagine it's 2 years later and you were fortunate and smart enough not to blow it all. So, you have no financial obstacles and can do whatever you want... what would your days be filled with? What would you do day in, day out for all the weeks in a year and beyond?

most of us already know life is not a destination, happiness is not an arrival point, it's all about the path. Yet, many people still live with the idea of if they can just get through this bit they will be happy soon. It's like they are always waiting to be happy... wait until you move out on your own, graduate, get a job,get a better job, get a spouse, kids, house.... etc... until one day they retire and realize that the happiness wasn't there. The trick is to live now, be happy now... regardless of what is going on, because whatever it is THAT is your life right now in this moment.

don't try to just "get through it" with the mind of being happy once it's over, find your strength in this moment and reap the happiness that exists every day, however small the crop.

so what does living mean to you? if you were really living and not just existing, define that...

i've turned a corner, and i hope to never look back... but i write mostly to cement what i now have and to give myself clues to find this mental space again should i lose my way. My life is a bit of a disaster in many ways, so much misfortune, illness and stress, but i don't feel sad or even down now. i think most days now i am happier than i ever have been AND i experience the very real things happening without denial or delusion.

i can't quite explain it, but... i am using the small shreds of positive... i feel like david and goliath (sp?). Tiny bits of smiles and good things in the face of a harsh world... and then, the world just seemed less harsh.

to me now, living is being as in the moment as i can be... the very act of looking for more sources of positive experiences is living now.