Hello & Welcome, KV_SA!
Many lines in your post echo thoughts I've had, this one especially:
Quote:
Originally Posted by KV_SA
...relief from awareness of myself...
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I'm still alive. I imagine I could sit and think of all the reasons why. Some of those reasons would be close to the truth, others would be wishful or distorted thinking. Such an exercise might have its value for me; I doubt it would help you. Nevertheless, you, too, are still alive.
Personally, I hope whatever natural urge to life and curiosity to know "what comes next" will bear you and your sister through the dark times to places of self-knowledge that will make life more tolerable.
__________________
My dog
mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.