Thanks TheByzantine.....I will definitely read this....I hate all these negative emotions towards my own mother....very hard to sort them out.....I was talking to my older sister and she told me that she has so much anxiety that mum wants to visit her....I know my mum and her family are mentally sick....my grandpa was so aggressive and my grandma was so depressed....these two people made nine children and all of them have mental problems....one hour they are laughing with you and all happy and the next hour they get into fight....It's so unpredictable and sad
She told me she will go see a doctor....but how much hope I can have that my 64 years old mother to get changed....the possibility is almost zero....
I cried so hard last night and today....my sister told me that she doesn't have the guilt feelings of not wanting to be with mum.....she said she used to have all these....but now she is okay and she tells her that her behaviors are bad.....I think probably I should tell her too.....It's bad that I stay so quiet on all of her abuse and misbehaviors.....I dont know what to do.....I just don't want to argue with her and have conflict.....I had enough during my childhood and teenage life....and early 20s....that's enough!