Oh Rissie,

I am sorry that I didn't see your post before now about the loss of Candy Girl & I am so sorry for your loss of her. I know exactly the pain you are feeling. I understand the bond that is so unique between us & our horses. There is nothing like that bond, even more than that with dogs (from my experience) & I love dogs. I know if Izzy wasn't so big, I would want to keep her in the house. The way you expressed how Candy Girl related to you is exactly how horses are when when they have a loving owner & are allowed to be themselves & give all the love they hold inside. We become one with our horses. There really isn't anything that describes that bond well. A trust that flows both ways, a love that flows both ways & a bond that is eternal. Horses have a sensitivity for us that goes beyond words. I know that when we ride, it's such an awesome feeling as our minds & body become one. The bond of trust that exists is amazing, as we learn to let go of fear & just float along as one. I think the other wonderful thing about our pets (of any kind) is that they allow us to open up our hearts & learn that we can love & be loved & that it's ok. I know that through my pets was the only place where I really learned what true love feels like & what a wonderful thing love & caring really is.

I bonded with Izzy the hour after she was born (when I arrived at the ranch that morning where I have them boarded). She tried to hide behind mommy, but I wouldn't let her. She would lay in my lap. She cut her leg down to the bone 3 weeks after she was born. I was determined to not loose her like I lost another foal several years earlier when my mare stepped on it. I know caring for Izzy also created an even deeper bond because when Izzy had strangles at the age of 2, I was treating her throat sore & had her tied to the metal pipe rail. I was in front of her & I hit a sore spot. She pulled back & then forward several times, slamming me into the pipe rail along with my head, almost knocked me out (learned not to tie a horse I am treating up to the pipe rail again also). She stopped suddenly & just stood there looking at me to see if I was ok. She had pulled the rope so tight, I couldn't get it loose. I gently took hold of her halter & she gently moved forward so I could unfasten the lead rope. Immediately, she started nuzzling me with her "I'm sorry. are you OK?" nuzzle. I bonded with her right after she was born. I am working on getting her moved here with me where I live now. I miss her beyond description. I also have 2 more horses, but I didn't seem to bond with in the same way. My oldest gelding is 31 now. He is blind. When we used to ride, I was his seeing eyes. I also have the mare that is Izzy's mom. I love all my horses, but I haven't closely bonded the way I did with Izzy as I didn't spend the same amount of time, or put the same kind of feeling into the relationship with them. Sadly, I don't want to move my gelding the 2200 miles to get him here to my farm. He is happy where he is & feels safe & secure & I would not take that away from him or make him travel so far just to get him here with me....that would be cruel, so he will enjoy the rest of his life at the ranch where he has been for the past 15 years. I know that once I get Izzy & my mare on my farm (rather than having them boarded), I will be able to spend all my life with them & will have that bond again & even better because they won't be boarded & I will be able to see them all the time.

I know that Candy Girl lives on in your heart & mind & I know there are horses in heaven, so I am sure that she is enjoying her eternity there with all the other wonderful horses that are there. I am glad that you have a baby from Candy Girl....that also helps keep her memory living on.

I know as time passes, the initial hurt lessens, but I don't think that it ever completely goes away....but then the feeling of love we enjoyed is always there also in all the wonderful memories we hold onto & nothing can take away those wonderful memories.

I truly understand what you are feeling & the grief you are experiencing & wanted to let you know how much I care.

Debbie