Granite,

Your feelings are so important because they help you learn more about yourself. In this case, you found out that you very easily feel rejected and abandoned. You also learned that feeling rejected or abandoned makes you feel self-destructive and not want to live. That's important, important stuff to know. It shows you (and will show your t, if you choose to share your feelings with her) what kinds of issues you need need help dealing with. That is why i think it so important that you share with your t how you feel (in whatever way you can - words, email, phone msg, poetry, pictures, etc.). She can't help you if she doesn't know what you're going through inside. Perhaps you have explained in your letter how you feel. If so, that will be really helpful for her to know. But you've also told her you want to quit. Unless you change your mind, you will not be able to work through this very important situation with her.

If you've often felt rejected and abandoned in the past, it makes sense that you would react strongly today to anything that remotely even feels like rejection. Even if it actually is not a rejection. It probably sets off all those alarm bells and pain that you've felt before!! But that's where your t comes in. If you share your feelings with her, she can help you see that she is not rejecting you. That pain is coming from inside you because of things you've been through in the past. She can help you, little by little, to start healing from the painful stuff in your past so that when things happen in the present, like a cancellation, you won't automatically go into that awful, painful, rejection, not wanting to live feeling. You will slowly learn to separate what happened back then with what is actually happening now.

I hope you'll consider working this out with your t. You've been working so hard here in PC and want to heal. You have so much potential to do so if you don't give up.