hi rainbow, it sounds like you're doing the best you can.. just a thought: do you really think it's that you're trying to hold on to (the memory of) your mom, or is it something more about being a child? i don't know what exactly the difference is, but it seems significant.

you've mentioned the "mommy" piece a few times, but it seems like it's not clicking for you. (or maybe it is, i can't tell.) i think if it's about wanting to be a kid again, then this would have something more to do with your therapist and wanting to be young again and in a place where you're taken care of by her. not sure if this makes sense.. just a thought i had and wanted to share.