Oh, this is funny. So, I call them back, and they refer me to a different psychiatrist, telling me that he is now the ONE AND ONLY psychiatrist in-network in my area.

HE IS A CHILD PSYCHIATRIST. Who, they say, also sees adults. But I'm sorry, if you have an adult medical issue, DO YOU SEE A PEDIATRICIAN FOR IT? Not only that, but he is the ONLY child psychiatrist in town, and booked solid until OCTOBER.

I am just DONE.

Then the insurance calls back - a different lady this time - and tells me that the first psychiatrist, who they told me was NOT in network, well, now I can see him. Ok....what does that mean. First I couldn't, now I can? I hadn't even told them yet that this other guy was a child psychiatrist.

It's just a huge run-around.

I don't know what to do. Part of me is just DONE dealing with the insurance and wants to just give up, and pay the extra out-of-network prices to see my psych nurse. But part of me just can't afford that!

I did call the other psychiatrist, not the child one but the one they disallowed and then allowed, and left a message. In his voicemail he said he returns calls after 6:00 PM. We'll see how far out he's booked.

Why is it always such a mess?

I went through similar hassles the first time I tried to get help back in 2006, and it was BECAUSE of the hassles that I gave up on getting help at all. Took me 2 years to force myself back to treatment, and that nearly killed me - had three suicide attempts in one summer before I got stabilized.

If people had to jump through this many hoops to get medical care, there would be uproars. Why is it okay for us?

I'm failing myself. In the hospital I made it my mission to do away with all this crap. To create a system that is easier. LONG story....I had this huge dream. I've not followed through on that dream. Someday.