It really sound sound like you are in emergency mode as far as depression goes. I know you just want the pain to go away and I understand that. I've been in a similar place mental health-wize before.

My question is: How long have you felt like this?

The longer you feel like this the harder it'll become to get out of it. You really have to act quickly and take your feeling seriously. Have you considered a residential treatment facility? It just seems as though you're so far down in the hole that it'll take a lot of professional support/compassion to assist you in the way that you deserve.