I had a meeting w/my case manager today that didn't go very far in alleviating my feeling of being pushed too far too fast in therapy.

Called my T back at noon, after that meeting, left her a message I'm freaking out, I can't deal with this abandonment $hit coming up now on top of dealing with everything that's coming up since our last session, and I don't know what I need from her right now but I need something, and to please call me back.

Still waiting for that, and meanwhile I had a 45 min visit with my 2 youngest children which was great and heart-wrenching at the same time. Dropping them off when they obviously didn't want to go, and I didn't want to leave them, was just another emotional bomb going off in my gut.

It's all too much, all at once, just too much. Spent the entire drive home (30 mins) thinking of how and where to cut. And then talking myself out of that. I can't find something in me that is okay right now to hold on to. Everything hurts and is a mess and I'm so tired and sad and....broken.