Thread: Family
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Old Jun 03, 2010, 10:07 PM
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dance59326 dance59326 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 352
Last night I was sitting in my room... wanted to cut, but I didn't. Not right away. I drew a bunch of hearts on the back of my hand, one by one. Then a drew a bracelet on that wrist. It was good. Held off cutting for a bit. But I eventually did cut. That felt even better. I don't need it to hurt so much while I'm doing it, but I need it to sting afterwords- which is why I make superficial cuts that don't bleed too much, but sting because air touches them. If I have to bandage it, it doesn't sting as much.

Anyway. This morning my Mom sees my hand and threatens to take my markers away because my hand looks "gaudy". My older sister says I looked like a middle schooler. And my younger sister jumps in and says to my Mom "I thought you drew the line at self-mutilation."
- How old is your older sister and how old is your younger sister, are you much of an age difference apart?
- My mom also says that my hands look “gaudy” periodically because I write on them a lot, but yes, she doesn’t really understand why I do it
- I do it because it helps me focus on myself and think hard instead of cutting hard, that’s why I use marker not pen

They just joke. Joke about things they don't understand. Say stupid things that hurt so much. They don't know... they obviously can't know. It's just going to get worse, no matter what, isn't it?

- My mother and sister do the same too, but they don’t really see what’s going on in the inside. They don’t understand how emotionally vulnerable and sensitive you really are until they are “you” and are in your shoes
- Try to understand though that they don’t understand both what’s going on with you because you haven’t surfaced things when things originally began to bubble and are now boiling. It’s a really tough situation, but the skill that you need here is validation. Validation is not saying that everything is right or is wrong, it is what is the middle, its finding that middle and equality. Try to see if you can touch it or if you can just try even once a day as a goal. As time will pass, things will get better because they will pick it up that you too, also need to be validated. Don’t assume the worst because then your mind will seek it as it’s “destiny,” but subconsciously and will not automatically do it, but will make you even more vulnerable than you already are with self-injurious behaviors.
PM me sometime, I'd love to chat via PMs and definitely PM me whenever you're struggling at home, I feel your pain, I felt it so hard when I was younger
~ dance59326 ~
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"To dwell in the here and the now does not mean you never think about the past or responsibility, plan for the future. The idea is simply not to allow yourself to get lost in regrets about past or worries about the past or worries about the future. If you are firmly in the present moment, the past can be an object of inquiry, the object of your mindfulness by looking into the past, but you are still grounded in the present moment"
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