Does anyone have a constant & I mean several hours a day, every day, obession that you are faking your mental illnesses?

I've have been diagnosed with bipolar for 25 years and with OCD for 4 years.

I get intrusive thoughts that I've been faking all these years and I should punish myself via suicide for wasting resourses, my family pain, and wasting my life.

I rehash the past over and over to try to figure out if I have been faking.
I latch on to a particular incident that is ambiguous and ask my T about it. I pretty much have one or two to ask at every session. (twice a week). He always reassures me.
I ask my pdoc and T at every session if I am really sick. They always say yes. It is such a relief. For a couple of hours. Then the whole obsession returns.
Or after a session with pdoc, I get an intrusive thought that I lied to her. (thus faking it). Then I rehash the appointment to figure it out. I get so focused on the thoughts that I run red lights and almost get into accidents, miss my exit...
I know a lot of people have doubts about faking.
But does anyone have this severe of a problem with it? And how do you deal with it?
It's driving me nutz!!
It is also very depressing recalling my past, cuz I went through some pretty harrowing things. Now stuff you want to dwell on.