I did call my T, and she didn't answer. So I texted her and I told her that I feel like she's rejecting me because of what I told her on Tues. She called me back and said "I'm not rejecting you, I just didn't have my phone". I think she didn't understand what I was saying. I feel like I need to call her back and tell her, it's not just her not answering my call this morning, it's the whole talk of termination yesterday and then not returning my call yesterday, all of that that's making me feel rejected.

So now I need more direction. Do I call her back and tell her, no, you didn't hear what I said, this is what I meant? Or do I just try to let it go? I feel like I'm at risk of reaching some undefined boundary about calling too much, although she did say "call me back later if you want to" at the end of our conversation this morning.

I cannot put into words how much I hate this. I hate it. It's this abandonment crap coming up and taking over my heart and mind and I HATE it.