You know, I don't think it's really that. I know I used to be afraid of getting "better" because I might not need T anymore. I think I'm learning that I can need T as long as I need him...and that getting better feels right and good.

I really was just super triggered - like i haven't been in quite a while with the CSA stuff. Basically, I was forced to reveal to someone (for a legitimate reason, I really had to tell this person) that there was SA in my childhood. And YUCK. yuck. I was so blindsided by the whole thing. I actually thought about calling the on call T for help, but I realized "I feel so icky" probably wasn't a "mental health emergency", so I called T.

Actually for me, being able to call him and admit that something scary had come up at the end of a huge break is gigantic progress. It means that I didn't shut down while he was away...I still trust him and still feel safe. I love that