Hey! I still don't have internet access at the new place. I'm at a coffee shop...but I did want to elaborate a bit on the last session.

In some ways it was a bit anticlimactic....no big emotional gush, as I had had at previous sessions. We started out by talking about the moving logistics coming up--just strategy for getting through the week. And then I asked T to tell me her perception of how I've changed in the time she's seen me.

It was funny because she described what she's seen me do, progress I've made in various areas of my life, but she didn't really see how much the T relationship has helped me heal. And so when she was finished, I told her how much I felt like she has shown me what a safe parent-like relationship is like and how healing it has been to have a safe place to go every week.

She started to say something like "you don't need places to feel safe, you are safe within yourself..." and I chuckled because we've had this debate before. She thinks I give her too much credit and I think she doesn't accept enough credit for offering a physical space and presence that is safe and healing. I just don't think she gets how HUGE that is for CSA survivors, to have a safe place to talk....She laughed too and said "I think we've had this conversation before" And I said "I just don't want to understate the value of having a safe place to touch base every week" and I equated it to a toddler venturing out into the world and checking in with her mommy and then venturing out further and further.... And she said she could see the parallel.

When it came to the end, when we normally would schedule something for next week, I started weeping, and she said "I want you to know I am holding you in my thoughts" and she reminded me that she still has my picture of little griffin in her purse. And we scheduled a phone session (for next week) and she gave me a huge hug...and that was about it.

Her note to me was/is absolutely precious. I won't share what it says, but it is something I will treasure always. always.

I decided to take a break from therapy for a few months while I settle in to the new place. I'll do a handful of phone sessions and unlimited email with T and eventually find someone new to work with. But T said she sees me as healthy and strong and capable of functioning just fine....I agree. Though I am sad and miss her so much already.