I started a thread called "video" on the Survivors or Abuse forum, but I think maybe it's more relevant here.

Basically, I have a video file on my computer of a violent episode involving my father from a few years back.. Even though I know how it's going to end, I always end up watching it and triggering myself. I do it every year, and i'm fighting with myself not to do it. It's like I think after a year has passed I'll have better insight and discover something when i watch it.

I want to talk to T about it. I kind of want her to watch it with me...but I don't think she would. And maybe that's not a good idea.
All I know is that I'm drawn to watching it this time of year, every year. And I know I'm going to do it again. Maybe if I watched it with her, something about it would kind of be "settled"..and I'll feel like there's no need to watch it again.

I'm not sure .... thoughts?
Thanks for reading.