I think for me the concept that someone cared and what it really means to care for someone was very skewed. IDK it was like if someone cared about me, it made me feel like I owed them something or that at some point they would start clinging to me, restricting my movement or activities, expecting me to do things for them, just in general I would end up tangled up in their web in some way.Honestly, this feeling WAS true for many of my relationships. Even now my H will try to pull me back into old thinking patterns and get me to feel guilty by telling me things like..."If you *really* cared for me you would...." - I am sooo done with the show me you care strings!

Because I had this perception of what caring meant...I didn't want people to care for me and I didn't want to impose that on others so I kept my own involvements with people very superficial. Whenever I would feel the slightest tug of caring or being cared for I immediately separated myself from it.

As I've gotten more aware of myself and who I am inside..IDK this power dyanmic has become less of an issue. I think my perception of caring was very egoic at the core. I can now see that there is a difference between ego-love/ego-care and real love and caring. I now get that others can care for me without getting caught up in my drama or without trying to "control" me or get something from me in return. More importantly I realize thatI can offer that conditionless care to others as well.

Honestly, I think what helped me was when Sunrise recommended the Patricia Evan's Verbal Abuse book. I think it was that book that presented information on Power-based relationships vs. collaborative relationship. Once I understood that collaborative relationships could actually exist...then I think my organism just went about creating some. IDK... It was hard to break my pattern of doubt and to accept that my T could care about me and really be interested in what is happening with me even if it was a professional relationship. But I did and I've internalized that now.