thank you Typo I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

I get frustrated with myself as I find dealing with this subject so difficult........ others don't seem to struggle with it to the degree in which isolating is the only way to calm.... even other females don't. What the heck?!? This has had me perplexed since I've discovered the cause of this particular anxiety.
Why don't others seem to care about it as strongly as I?

*****caution-- may trigger ******

Could it be that if one hasn't experienced abuse through female objectification, then this kind of thing doesn't have the "kick in the stomach" feeling? If one was not held against their will, months on end(because they were a girl and not a boy) and held at gunpoint another time as a child- asked to contemplate their own death, and ... well there's just more.......more and more......

What would my mind be like if none of this happened as a child, the time when one is taking mental notes of the world, learning about it and themself, about others and trust, safety and value??

oh, that would be so nice to not feel that
"kick in the stomach" ..............
to not feel that the whole world sees you as less valued, without feelings, to be used when wanted and disgarded when not...... like a car, boat or tractor.

and, in answer to your question: I have talked, a little, to the therapist about this...... it's just..... it's hard to talk about.... I fear the therapist won't be able to help calm my mind over this..... it's VERY strong and deeply ingrained. maybe I haven't given the therapist enough opportunity to try

fins