Hi opaquemind0 !--------You sound as if you really need an objective person to hear you out---that'd be a therapist; is there some reason why you can't see one?

You are very angry, and JMO-it also sounds as if that anger is directed at yourself for the most part; even if you directed it at your family. You needed to get it out.

{The events in my life make me think I am a mean person}-----You are very aware of your feeling, and the effect it has on those around you-----shows great sensitivity---------there must be a way that you can see a therapist?

Or, you know the old stand-bys--get out and walk for miles, breathe, meditate, etc.
Journal?----------------

It says you feel "cold"-----are you trying to hold all the anger in?----I wish I could help you-----------------I send you hugs--they don't help much, I know---------------------------------------------------all the same---hugs--------theo