funny how the quote in my signature is a play on that quote byz... eery.

i have a large internal abyss to navigate. My T and i stand at the edge lately and i throw pebbles in and wait to hear the make a sound when they strike the bottom, but no sound returns.

i decided to check out more info on one of the career paths i'm considering and i am seeing that i would need to take some more undergrad classes to get the pre-req's. That really added another weight to the already overloaded me trying to swim at the surface. i'm new to things... just like a baby animal that can't quite stand up and run, i struggle with how to apply my new outlook to troubling information/situations.

i guess i am fighting for my new motto: to not just survive - but to LIVE

living may mean retracing steps on paths i just don't want to walk down anymore... then what? i know i need to complete a master's degree to get whatever i end up deciding upon, but i don't want an extra year or two piled on top of those two years as well.

life is a journey, i know that... so i know i can't "be there" because no one is until they die, if then... but i want some aspects of my life to BE THERE. i want some aspects to calm and become still... i want some areas to feel like i made it to calm waters and the rapids are behind me. Not all of my life struggles, but some...

i try to take heart in the overwhelming positive and warm feedback i have been getting in recent weeks, both on here and in real life. i thank them because that has boosted me more than i can express. i truly do get the sense that life is offering me something better if i can find the courage to stand strong in moments of challenge. i just hope i have enough grace and vision to see those moments when they come.