You have put a lot of thought into this, opaquemind0. I was able to survive my childhood with coping skills akin to yours. This excerpt from The Road Less Traveled comes to mind:

Transference is that set of ways of perceiving and responding to the world which is developed in childhood and which is entirely appropriate to the childhood environment (indeed, often life-saving) but which is inappropriately transferred into the adult environment.

For way too long I stubbornly refused to change after I was away from home and able to choose a better way.

You are in my thoughts.